Life of a mixed child

Hey guys, 

So I don't really have many stories to tell you so far this week, I'm going to Hue this weekend, so I should have some more stories to update you then! I did want to post something that I've been thinking about for a while. 

LIFE AS A "CON LAI"

When I first accepted the Fulbright grant, I knew there was one factor that would have a huge impact on my Fulbright experience, and it was something I had absolutely zero control over. Namely, how would people react to me being a "con lai," or half-Vietnamese?

We had a session in Hanoi where we learned about the experience of being “Viet Kieu,” or an American of Vietnamese descent. I am not the only Viet person on this grant, Anna, Quan, Koua, and Vanlam are all of Vietnamese origin. But Koua is Hmong, Vanlam is half-Chinese, and Quan and Anna are both entirely Vietnamese, leaving me wondering about what being half-American, half-Vietnamese would be like.

I knew some about the “children of the dust,” the half-Vietnamese, half-American children of American soldiers who were all treated  very poorly once the war ended. I also knew that in Korea half-Asians are severely discriminated against (I learned this after the Steelers won the Super Bowl in 2006 and Hines Ward went to Korea on a publicity tour). But really, I had no idea what to expect.

Here’s what I found.

(It should go without saying that any observations or comments I make in the following section are mine and mine alone, and other people may have had different experiences)

THE GOOD

1. I look Vietnamese enough that I don’t stand out.

Unlike Amanda,

who looks like this, 

or Jess,

who looks like this, 

at first glance I just look like a taller-than average Vietnamese person. People eventually learn who I am, and in my campus especially it’s impossible for me to go anywhere without being noticed/yelled to. But biking around town, going through the grocery store, no one stares or pays me any attention. Many of the other Fulbrighters have to deal with stares and gawking and heckling, and I honestly haven’t had to deal with that much.

2. I look American enough that people have zero expectations of me.

When you look Vietnamese, people don’t stare at you or pay undue attention to you. However, that also comes with a weight of expectations. People expect you to know the language, the culture, the history, the intricacies of etiquette, everything. My homie Anna has a nice blog post summing up the ups and downs of life as a Viet Kieu woman here.

However, I look American enough that people have much lower expectations for me. I look Vietnamese on first glance, but then after that people notice that I’m very tall, my skin is a little lighter, I grow facial hair faster, my facial structure is different, etc. 

All these little differences make it clear I’m not entirely Vietnamese, and so they treat me like a barbarian who has just come in to civilization. Any progress I make in the language, the culture, the history is roundly and thoroughly applauded and I am praised for any tiny step I take forward. Sometimes this attitude is a little too patronizing for my liking (“You know how to use chopsticks! Oh, so impressed!”) but overall it’s pretty damn nice.

THE BAD 

1…People think I’m too gorgeous?

Honestly, really no problems here. I haven’t faced any problems concerning my ethnicity. Being half-Vietnamese is quite fun, I highly recommend it.

THE FUNNY

1. How people perceive me depends on who I’m with

When I’m in a crowd of Vietnamese people, I’m often spotted as the outlier. This is particularly true when it comes to large crowds of Ben Tre people. It is pretty easy to spot me, as I am not able to speak Vietnamese fluently, and it's pretty clear that I don't understand the conversations that are happening around me. Additionally, when we are in the Fulbright group, waiters and other Vietnamese people always talk to Anna and Quan, never me or anyone else in the group. 

However, when I’m the “most-Vietnamese” person in the group, strangers treat me as the “interpreter” of the group. When I'm with other (non-Anna and non-Quan) members of the Fulbright group, Vietnamese people approach me. Waiters ask me to translate orders, cab drivers look to me when we get into the cab, shop owners ask me to translate their sales pitches. 

This has nothing to do with my Vietnamese proficiency and everything to do with appearance. In Hanoi, when Trevor and I wandered around the city, shop-keepers would generally approach me before realizing that Trevor, who is white, speaks much better Vietnamese than me.  

If I walk into a restaurant with Anna and Quan, I get a very different treatment from the waiter than if I walk into the same restaurant with Lindsay and Jess. This change happens before I have said a single word or done anything at all.

It’s not like I have any particular preference for either option. Being the interpreter is very flattering, but it is also very tiring and sometimes is simply way over my level. I don't really mind how people see me. I just think it’s funny how quickly my perceived “Vietnameseness” changes.

2. How people perceive me changes based on what I wear

As stated above, my “Vietnameseness” seems to be a fluctuating property. Nowhere is this more apparent than reactions to my forms of dress. Vietnamese men, by and large, wear collared shirts and long pants. No one wears shorts, unless they are playing sports, and t-shirts are also largely unheard of. Even when people aren’t working, wearing shorts or a t-shirt is simply not a thing that men do, especially in the countryside. The only people who really do that are foreigners.

What this means is that when I wear a collared shirt and long pants, I am treated like a Vietnamese person. When I wear a t-shirt and shorts, I am treated like an American.

Example: 

Vietnamese

American

In Ben Tre, this reaction isn’t as pronounced. Frankly, no foreigners ever come to Ben Tre, so when I wear t-shirts and shorts, the reaction isn’t “Oh look, American!” it’s “Why did his mother let him leave the house dressed like that!” Which is also amusing.

But in Ho Chi Minh City, oh man. I have walked down the street wearing nice clothes, gone back to my room and changed, then walked down the same street wearing shorts and one of my jerseys and the reaction is completely different.

Language:

Sample conversation: Buying a piece of mango

Vietnamese "costume" 

Me: "Xoài là bao nhiêu tiền?" ("How much is this mango?")

Shopkeeper: "Xoài là ba mươi ngàn, con ơi... [says something incomprehensible]"
("Mango is thirty thousand VND...[I literally have no idea what she is saying]")

Me: {hands over 30,000 VND} 

American "costume"

Me: "Xoài là bao nhiêu tiền?" ("How much is this mango?")

Shopkeeper: "Oh, speak Vietnamese very good! Three dollars!"

Me: "..."

Prices:

I definitely have gotten lower prices once or twice in Ho Chi Minh City, especially at souvenir shops. Saying in Vietnamese that I teach English in Ben Tre definitely has helped some iron-hearted shop owners be a little more lenient in their bargaining. 

  

So, raised prices for foreigners is definitely a thing. But, y’all can quit whining about it because…

Attitude:

When you’re an American people go out of their way to please you. This is because of two popular conceptions of Americans. 

1. Americans have a lot of money. 

2. Americans tend to get loud and break things when they get unhappy.

So, what this means is that if you are American, people will tend to run around to accomodate you, because you might break something if you get angry, and if you become happy you might start throwing money around. If you are a Vietnamese person and there is a problem, there is a tendency for people to shrug their shoulders and not really care. 

For Example: After they overbook your hotel room without telling you (because that legit happens to everybody here)

American: "Why the hell isn't my room ready?"

Hotel Staff: "I'm very sorry sir, let us see what we can find..."

A: "I booked this room a month in advance!"

HS: "Very sorry sir! I can see if I can find you a room in a neighboring hotel..."

A: "No! I booked here! I want to stay here!"

HS: "Let me see...I could book you into one of our deluxe suites?"

A: "Fine!"

Vietnamese: "Why isn't my room available?"

Hotel Staff: "Sorry." {stares straight into your eyes unapologetically}

So, a couple lessons I've learned.

1. Always speak English around official people (Airline offices, tour guides, hotels), especially if you are making a complaint

2. Try and speak Vietnamese around people in more informal situations, and shopkeepers especially will love you for trying. Who knows, they might even give you a discount!

Overall I've had a very good time in Vietnam, and my status as a "con lai" hasn't really helped me or hindered me in any serious matter. It is amusing to watch the ways people react to me, depending on how I conduct myself, what language I decide to speak upon meeting someone, the clothes I wear.

Being me is pretty awesome, and if being me means being a "con lai," I can roll with that. 

Peace!

See you guys next week!

Jefferson

Bonus puppy picture:

The most well-behaved puppy in Vung Tau